the misty isle.

misty isle.
ireland.
northern ireland, more specifically.
and it is beautiful.
i say that word so often and fear it loses its meaning, but sometimes it is exactly what is needed. I think beauty can also include loss, conflict, pain, a burdened past.
would one even appreciate hope without despair along the way?
"how can we call it the past when it hasn't even passed?" These are the words I heard at the conference yesterday, presented by the Art's Council of Northern Ireland and titled "Art in Conflict." Lately I have been thinking alot about trauma. I have been working with WAVE Trauma Center, making artwork with victims of the Troubles, and in Scotland I also encountered a place for the bereaved, those missing family members who have died to drugs and abuse. And I wonder, is pain ever to stop?

The minister I lived with in Scotland mentioned that for the longest time she thought one should at some point stop grieving, but had a revelation that no, the grieving may be forever. and she thinks this is okay. and i think this is okay. it seems as long as we can recognize that pain, grief, trama, hurt, etc, etc, etc, exist, we can alse recognize how to deal with this. If I realize my own depression as something that may be forever, well then I can equally learn more and more what seems to provide peace from this. I can take a walk through nature. I can feel the cool rain and hear even the thunder. Last week I walked into City Center and along the way was drenched by the thunder storm, something that rarely occurs here. Suddenly I cried. "Why are tears rolling down?" And it was clear. For a moment, if I blurred my vision a bit and simply took in the sounds of the sweet thunder, as I titled it in Africa, I was brought back to the fall. I felt myself walking through Uganda, through Rwanda. It was terribly painful and terribly beautiful. Sometimes these moments are the only ones that can help me heal, help me remember.

As I travel I learn of more and more pain, but I also learn of more and more humannness.
There is humanness.
And I will despair if I only dwell in pain, but hope if I look at the individual level. Finding joy in those i meet:
the rwandan girl who now sews and received therapy through PHARP
the northern irish boy who, once a victim, now volunteers with youth
the homeless friend who laughs with me about life and love
these people
this girl
me right here.

and who am I in this picture?
"Endlessly humbled." These are the words of Albie Sachs, a Justice on the Constitutional Court in South Africa who spoke at the conference yesterday. At the age of 21 he began pushing for human rights in South Africa. Somewhere in those years he was imprisoned, exiled, and bombed. And through all of his despair, his wisdom absolutely encouraged. He expressed his humility as a sign of hope, and even moreso, he expressed HOPE.

Hope, humanness. These are the words.

Today I am resting between meetings of Art Therapists, Trauma Centers, Art and Healing Organizations, Women's Groups, Books, Literature, Etc. Today I am rejoicing over the community at home whom I miss, and the community here that is born. Today I am rejoicing over the little successes, that I learn are in fact the biggest successes.

in the green
in the rain
in the sun
love always, and deeply. and find peace in the mystery of it all.